*Sigh*

Alright. After a multiple showers (my happy place) and some mucho guitar playing (also very relaxing) I have come to feel very bad about my earlier post, I hate manwhore-bitches, I believe it was called. I really wasn't being fair to him. He could never be that devious. He's far too much of a nice guy. I even in my enraged state, I knew what I was saying was horrible. I was really upset and mid-mental breakdown when I did it, and I would like to take it down, but its really funny to be honest, so I don't think I will. lol. But know that I don't really think that poorly of him in that sense.

Also, another thing I feel weird about is all the poetry I've posted recently. I mean, I really feel that way, but its kinda awkward to share it with the world. If you, the one I wrote about those sees them and feels awkward.....I'm really really sorry! (And no, its not about the one I am apologising to in the paragraph above, despite a few people thinking so)

Used To Be

We used to be strangers.

I didn't know the difference.

I used to hear people talk about you.

I thought you were weird.

I used to chat with you.

I thought you were cool.

We used to sing together everyday.

I told you you were flat everyday.

We used to describe our lives to each other.

We respected each other more and more.

You used to push away a friend.

I thought you were an asshole.

You used to like me.

I had no idea.

I used to like you.

Someone else pulled me away.

I used to want to be with you.

I figure that will never happen.

I used to think you didn't know how I feel.

Turns out, everyone knew.

I used to be afraid you would find out.

I ended up being the one to tell you.

I used to hope you'd tell me you felt the same way.

You don't though I've come to find.

I used to dream about spending hours upon hours with you.

Now I look forward to the few minutes I get.

I used to think you'd be around till we die.

But I'll see you till the end of highschool.

"We used to be friends", I'll say, "But now, we're strangers."

I'll know the difference then.

You.

Your Presence 

Creates

A smile on my lips

A twinkle in my eye

My heart jumps to cuttime

My fingers begin to shake

My cheeks start to flush

You speak

I absorb every word

You josh

I bubble with giggles

You sing

I sigh with every note

You hug someone

I glow green with envy

You hug me

I melt into your arms

If you were to kiss me

I would explode with joy

Friendship of a Boy and a Girl

Talking

Joking

Playing

Teasing

Singing 

Flirting

Comforting

Helping 

Worrying

Caring

Confiding

Girl:

"I like you."

Boy:

"Oh. Um. Okay."

Crying

Talking

Joking

Playing

Teasing

Singing 

Flirting

Comforting

Helping 

Worrying

Caring

Blurting

Boy:

"You're awesome. I love you."

Girl:

"Thanks...?"

Giggling

I HATE MANWHORE-BITCHES!

Why must every fucking guy think with his dick and not with his brain? Frontal lobes made it through the process of evolution for a fucking reason! I mean all a guy can think is Oooh. She's pretty. I want to fuck her. I think I'll ask her out...I'm hungry. I'm going to go get some pizza while I come up with a plan to fuck with that pretty girl. I want to fuck with her heart and her body! No....I can't pull getting her to put out off. I'll start with the weak one who has a bad self image and get some practice in with her. I'll become her friend. Keep her away from the guy that she likes who likes her back. She has a chance of a normal happy and healthy relationship with him. I can't let that happen. Oh no. I'm scared she might reject me, because I'm really selfconscience too. I know! I'll hide behind my computer while talking to her! That way if she doesnt want to go out with me, I wont have to face her. I'll only have to read some words because I'm a little man-bitch. Oooh yay! I worked my way into her heart. She's going out with me! Awesome! The dance isnt all that far away! During a slow song I can get all close up next to her and she'll think it will be because I care for her and want to enjoy her company, but all I really want to enjoy is her body. I'll dance right up close to her and get all horny because I'm a horny 14 year-old boy full of raging tesosterone. I'm going to drag her through getting her psuedo family torn apart, having her summer get ruined, and after five months of this shitty-assed relationship she'll break up with me. But I wont let her be free. No I won't. I'll keep her feeling guilty. I'll still tell her that I love her and that I miss her. I'll make her come back to me. Haha. Victory! I got her to come back to me even though she knew it was the wrong thing to do! Whoa......that girls pretty. I like her a lot more than what I've got now. I think I'll go after her. Okay first girl, I'm done with you. I'll act like I'm sorry for a day or two to not look like the asshole that I really am, but then right after that....I'm going after the pretty one. Bye bye. Oh hey, girl number two! You're so much better for me then the first girl. The only other guy that's liked her was that creep AJ. I have no idea why I went out with her. She was such a mistake. I don't even want to talk her anymore. Oh hey, we haven't been going out for very long girl number two, but girl number ones friend is being pretty chummy and I think I might just make her girl number three if she lets me. 

  Okay. I don't hate manwhore-bitches. I guess I hate myself for putting so much of my self-worth in his hands knowing that it was a bad idea, but I did it anyway because I trusted him. I would totally be okay with this if I didn't wind up feeling that I was this bad mistake. People keep telling me that, and I hate it. I can't take it. My bottle of emotions is full, and it just exploded. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore. I don't even want to try to be happy again. I'll just fall into a bigger mess if I do. I can't fall down if I'm already laying on the ground. I know I'm being a melodramatic crybaby who needs to get a grip, and that I shouldn't post this, but I'm going to anyway just to document it. So everytime I start to trust a guy, I can go back and read this and know better.

Our fucked up love lives.

A liked B.
B liked C.
C liked E and B.
E liked C way too much.
E asked out C and they started dating.
F and G liked eachother and started dating when E and C started dating.
A met K and they went out.
F is bipolar about F's feelings and dumped G.
H and I started going out after just meeting.
C couldn't handle E anymore, so C dumped E.
E started hanging out with H again and met J because J and I are good friends.
E began to like J while still waiting for C to calm down and finish thinking things over.
B began to like L.
H dumped I.
C told E that C was ready to date E again.
E still liked J but decided that C was better.
E and C began to date again, but it wasnt the same.
K stopped liking A but didnt want to hurt A by breaking up.
K started to like J.
E didn't love C anymore, so E dumped C.
C was sad, but realized that B could now potentially be pursued.
E and J started going out around 4 days after the break up of E and C.
K realized that it wasnt fair to K or A to keep the relationship up and they broke up.
C told B that C had liked B for a really long time.
G wanted to get back with F but F found out before hand and ran away from G.
C found out that K likes C.
A learned that K likes J and that C and A were both dumped over J.
F told C that B mentions C liking B a lot in PE.

The Moment I'm Waiting For!!

 

Yeah, I'm a fangirl...