If fifth grade, I decieded to sing Home from Broadway's Beauty and the Beast in my school's talent show. I chose the song because I thought it was a pretty song and Belle was my favorite Disney character at the time. I practiced a lot, but I never thought about the meaning behind the lyrics or the context in which the song was being sung in the play. It never occured to me to think about that to add emotion to my performance. Back then I had thought that music was only about sounding good with the right pitches and rythms.
My mom had really been looking forward to coming to my performance. She would always tell me how proud she was of me for being brave enough to sing infront of the whole school when I was normally too afraid to sing around people I didn't know that well. The morning of the show, my mom informed me that she was feeling worse than usual and that she didn't think she'd be able to come to the show. I was really sad that she wasn't going to be there, but I knew that her health was more important.
When I walked on the stage I was so nervous I could feel my heart beating through my rib cage and my cheeks burning red. As I began to sing, I was scanning the audience for a family member. My mom had promised me that at least one person out of the visiting family would come to watch me. When I got to the chorus of the song, I caught a glimpse of dark curly hair. My eyes jumped back, and there was my mom with all of my family sitting next to her. I was so happy to see them. I smiled at them, but at the same time the song suddenly made sense to me. The lyrics explain Belle choosing to leave her comfortable life to protect her father, and her dealing with that with bravery and determination. Belle's emotional struggle in this situation clicked with me right then. I realized how the way the melody flowed added to the words being sung. I began to feel Belle's pain with a pang in my heart, then I had connected it to myself with how I had a comfortable life of being a kid, and how I forced myself to leave it to help take care of my mom instead of letting the rest of the family do everything to comfort her. I had to fight to keep control of myself and not start sobbing on stage in the middle of my performance. I was so overwhelmed. As soon as the song ended and the applause had barely started, I bolted off of the stage so I could go cry, then see my mom. Ever since that day I've always payed extra attention to the emotions behind songs that I encounter. Its a part of my life. Feelings and music cannot exist without each other on my head.
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